Friday, 17 June 2011

In Defense of Twenty-Something Males

Let me begin by explaining that this is not a blog post. It is a nation-wide announcement on behalf of the scientific community.

I'm a born-again Torontonian. I lived here for the first 8 months of my life, and then moved back last September. Toronto is a great city. It didn't take long before I welled up with pride looking at the CN tower, disgust looking at cars, and (only on occassion) stopped holding the door open for people (it's not rude, I just can't be there all day, and frankly, sometimes the person is yelling and gargling things at you.) So admittedly, when riots broke out in Van City post Stanley Cup, a few particularly Torontonian responses did cross my mind.

[annoyed] At least The G20 riots started as a peaceful protest and were politically motivated. Not over hockey. God. 

[smug] Guess you aren't as 'chill' with all your mountain biking and mild winters and your condo overlooking the ocean as you once thought?

[angry & self-satisfied] Laid back my f***ing a**!

But the rivalry between the "Toronto Rat-Race" and "Vancouver Paradise" is not what particularly strikes me about the riot. What stands out to me is the crowd. It's hard to pinpoint the culpable from a geographic standpoint; were they from Seattle? Montreal? The moon? Were they even really Canucks fans, or "thugs" posing as such? (They couldn't have been Vancouverites.) But one thing is for certain. It was a 'predominantly male 20-something' crowd. That part is obvious. That part we can all agree on.

Hey Vancouver! I heaarrrrr ya.  Not just for one dark night in my history, but for yeaaaarrrrsssss 20-something males were responsible for all of my problems, too. I get it. It sucks. But I might be able to help. 

After a particularly bad incident involving a male twenty-something (a looting of the heart, if you will) I made an off-handed complaint to my doctor (doctors know everything.) And then she shared something with me of which I believe the world's population should be more aware.

Males typically do not fully develop the frontal lobe of their brain until after the age of 26.

What, pray tell, is the frontal lobe responsible for?

Well, the frontal lobes are involved in several functions of the body including:
  • Motor Functions
  • Higher Order Functions
  • Planning (as in taking the future and its consequences into consideration before acting)
  • Reasoning (self-explanatory)
  • Judgement (self-explanatory)
  • Impulse Control (self-explanatory)
  • Memory (1994?)

 I've included an image to bolster my point.

Look at how big it is!! It's HUGE! The most important part of the brain, I think. 

Yes I realize, as in every case, there are exceptions (I even know a few). But overall, the science holds. How can we expect 'male twenty-somethings' to act in a mature, respectable manner, when they only have half a brain?

I hope that this crucial fact regarding the stunted development of the male brain helps, in some way, Vancouver. I hope that like me, you find yourself blurting it out to your friends, a passerby, or at a staff meeting. Shout it from your condo balconies, Vancouverites! Shout it to Japan! 

Soon, Vancouver. Soon, their brains will develop. Soon.

Until then, get yourself a 28 year old.

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